Fuck-Ups & Looking in Oranjestad:
The Elio Nicholaas Interview Pt. I

Karel has decided that my articles may be detrimental to the image of the Oranjestad Police Force. Seeing as I had no concrete proof that my experiences in (as well as my interactions with the people of) Aruba were actually taking place, Karel told me that I would have to stop covering the disappearance of Natalee Holloway. He said that if I promised to leave the country then he would promise that I wouldn't disappear like "the blondey girl".
I told him I wasn't going to leave.
We made a compromise.
I could continue my coverage of my time in Aruba if I limited my reports to things that could be verified by video or audio tape.
So now I have to videotape and/or tape record everything I do here in Oranjestad.

Unfortunately the bandwidth restrictions on this site aren't going to allow me to post all of my videotaped excursions. But I've decided, for the time being, to post transcripts of all the things I'm recording on audio tape.
Here's the first one:

[Special thanks to my secretary Diane for typing up the transcripts.]


J.J. Oblivian: Okay, I'm sitting here with [loud rustling] -ective Elio Nicholaas in [loud rustling] -jestad, Aruba on September 17th, 2005 at three-thir- [loud rustling] Would you please, uh, could you stop touching that.
Det. Elio Nicholaas: Why?
JJO: Because it's gonna interfere with the recor-
[loud rustling] Really, stop touching it.
EN: Okay.
JJO: It's three-thirty in the aftern- [loud rustling] Okay, seriously- hey, look at me... look... at... me... I'm gonna move it away from you if you can’t keep your hands off it.
EN: What is it?
JJO: It's a microphone.

[EN laughing.]

EN: What? That?
JJO: Yes. This isn't- What's so funny? Why are you laughing?
EN: That little thing is microphone?
JJO: Yeah.
EN: Surely this is joking with Elio.
JJO: No, this isn't joking with- [sigh.] I'm not joking. It's a microphone.
EN: Is too little. It probably can't hear too good. [very loud and breathy:] Can you hear me?
JJO: Yes, it can hear you fine. Trust me. You don't-
EN: [very loud and breathy:] Can... you...
JJO: -you don't have to-
EN: [very loud and breathy:]... hear... me?
JJO: Yes, it can. Don't lean so close to it. It's-

[loud rustling.]

JJO: [muffled] Don't do that.
EN: [very loud:] BWANNNGGGHHH
JJO: [muffled] Take it out of your mouth.
EN: [very loud:] EEEENNNNNHHHH

[very loud rustling. sounds of a struggle… a loud thump.]

JJO: [sternly] Leave it here. Okay? Don't touch it. Don't lean into it. Just leave it alone.
EN: It's too little to hear me.
JJO: It’s NOT too little to hear you! It's a very sensitive microphone. Alright? Just stop touching-

[loud rustling.]

EN: [muffled] Can you hear what I'm thinking?
JJO: [muffled] No it can't hea- just take it out of your ear and put it-
EN: [muffled] So small and sensitive. Can use in ear to hear what people are thinking. [muffled whisper:] What am I thinking?

[very loud rustling. sounds of a struggle… a loud thump.]

JJO: It can't fucking hear your thoughts. It's a normal microphone, it's just smaller. Now just stop fucking around with it.
EN: Okay.
JJO: Alright, god. Fuck, okay… let's see… I'm sitting with Detective Elio Nicholaas in Oranjestad, Aruba. It's about three-thirty on the afternoon of September 17th, 2005. Detective Nicholaas, you’re one of the detectives investigating the disappearance of Natalee Holloway, is that correct?
EN: Umm... maybe.
JJO: Maybe?
EN: Who is missing?
JJO: Natalee Holloway.


JJO: The teenager from the United States.


JJO: The girl. The teenager. The girl from the United States that's been missing down here for almost four months.


JJO: You seriously don't know who I'm talking about?
EN: Umm... the blonde girl?
JJO: Yes, the blonde girl.
EN: Uhh... [rustling papers] Juggs Twitty.
JJO: I'm sorry?
EN: The blonde girl. Her name is Juggs Twitty.
JJO: Uh, no. No, it's not. Her step-father's name is Jug Twitty. Her name is Natalee.
EN: Ugh, this is so confusinged.

[chair scooting on floor.]

JJO: Where are you going?
EN: [receding from microphone] Have to pee.


JJO: That's the corner of the room, Elio. There are bathr- do you not know where the bathrooms are?
EN: [distant] Is okay. I do this all the time.

[water hitting tile in the distance...]

JJO: This is fucking... [sigh.]

[whistling in the distance… water hitting tile in the distance...]

[faint rustling...]



Originally Printed on 9/28/05
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J.J. Oblivian
Los Angeles, CA

I'm in a gang
called California.

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