At The Behest of My Brother's Therapist

My brother, jeromyOBLIVIAN, has written the following entry. He and his therapist have requested that I post it in my column.

I've been telling my therapist recently about all the girls who come up to me on the street and yell at & hit me for fucking their boyfriend. I told my therapist that after the girls leave I feel really bad... that I didn't smack 'em in the tits. She has suggested that I write a form letter to all those girls and tell them how I feel in an effort to deal with my "anger issues". I ain't wasting stamps on you coozes so I'm just gonna post the letter here and you can copy & paste it into Word, print it out and mail it to yourself.
If you want my signature (to lend an official feel to the whole thing) just smear some dog shit at the bottom.
So here's the letter:

Dear Suzy Whocares,
Yeah, I fucked your boyfriend. What are you gonna do about it? Go ahead & hit me, slap me, spit on me if it makes you feel more like a "woman". But I will mop the fucking floor with you! I'm bigger, I'm stronger, and I'm more driven to fuck you up! I was designed by God to destroy all things smaller and weaker than me. You cry and say "But my boyfriend isn't gay!" Well, lemme break your heart a little, you fucking slit: he's at least a little queer, otherwise he wouldn't have wanted me to fuck him. I think you had better take your temper tantrum to your boyfriend & leave me the fuck alone. If you bring it to me: I'll bust you up like a chifforobe. Ever seen a tanker-truck run over a milk carton? You'll lose: teeth, blood and skull fragments. You'll gain: nerve damage, a limp and a poor self-image.
And you think your boyfriend's gonna tolerate fuckin' you after I play Sonny Liston on your tiny, fragile bone structure? He ain't. Guess who he's gonna respect more after you and I have a run-in... give up? Me. He'll come to me beaming with awe, radiating admiration, and beg me to fuck him again.
You don't stand a chance, you silly little twist. You wear make-up on a daily basis; I sit in a dark room and despise you on a daily basis. Who has the edge there? You think you can bring a fight to me and walk away as the victor? You think once the hitting starts I won't hit you back? Your silly, little, out-dated, bullshit rules governing what I'm allowed to do no longer apply. It's 2005, kid. I have Equal Rights. Go ahead, get up in my face, hit me, call me names. I'm gonna wreck you... because I can... and more importantly: because I want to.

Wow. I feel a lot better. I thank you for the gracious donation of your time.
---- <3 Muah!

----- j.oblivian

P.S. to quote Cash: pussy's for faggots.

I forgot to inform you: my brother is homosexual; because of this, some people may find his belief that he has Equal Rights offensive.

Originally Printed 2/17/05
Fire Off A Comment


J.J. Oblivian
Los Angeles, CA

I'm in a gang
called California.

Front Page

...... ... I'm Andy Rooney!
...... A Few Reasons...

Back Issues
...... November '05
...... October '05
...... August '05
...... July '05
...... June '05
...... May '05
...... April '05
...... March '05
...... February '05
...... January '05
...... December '04

...... Pooetry
...... Good Music - 2004
...... Good Movies - 2004

...... Stills
...... Motion
...... Text --> Motion
...... [currently untitled]
...... Backpage


You may contact Mr. Oblivian by clicking on his name.

current circulation: