Finally, An End To This Justice

While I'm waiting for a response from Michael "The King of Pop" Jackson’s handlers, I've decided to publish my feelings on his "not guilty" verdict.

As many (if not all) of you know, Michael "The King of Pop" Jackson has been found "not guilty" of all 10 (or so) of the charges brought against him by The State of California. And I, for one, am thrilled.

Thankfully Californialenos are making up for their egregious Scott Peterson error by letting Robert Blake and Michael "The King of Pop" Jackson back onto the streets of our fair State. I'm pleased to see that the maddeningly fair and just practice of imprisoning criminals is coming to an end. Did you know that, even by conservative estimates, a staggering 73.2% of those currently incarcerated are criminals? 73.2%!!!! This percentage is second only to prison inmates!! I blame the criminal justice system for this sickeningly fair balance. Sometimes it seems as if their only goal is to hunt down criminals and put them in jail. Oh the sanity of it all! It's enough to make you want to kill someone and never suffer any repercussions for it! I say: Let them free! Let Mumia go! Let Peltier out! Let Manson roam! What did they ever do except hurt people and cause pain?

Now, I am not against the incarceration of individuals. That would be a crazy, poorly-thought-out stance to take. It would lead to massive lay-offs among State Corrections employees, which in turn would drive down this State's economy and just be generally sad. Instead I propose we fill those newly vacated prison cells with a previously untapped segment of our population: newborns.

The best part is that this proposal effectively kills two birds with one ill-intentioned stone. Not only will our prisons remain full and our corrections officers employed but it will also placate those worry-wart parents who fear that the child molester Michael "The King of Pop" Jackson might fondle or penetrate their progeny. Well guess what fledgling Moms and Pops? Michael "The King of Pop" Jackson is a free wereman and can now go wherever he wants. But I know one place he won’t (king of) pop up in any time soon: a prison.
So get ready babies, I hope you like weights and crappy tattoos.

----- I remain, as always, smirkingly and results-orientedly yours,
----- J.J. Oblivian.

Originally Printed on 6/14/05
Fire Off A Comment


J.J. Oblivian
Los Angeles, CA

I'm in a gang
called California.

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