They Must Put Something In The Water, Which Is Why I Drink The Whiskey

Saturday night I took the loathsome trip North out of the city into the Valley. M```, G```, M````, L```` and I went to a party hosted by the M********** Dance Company. When we got there 70 people were spilling out of a 1 bedroom apartment into the driveway. Clydes were doing shots out of chicks’ cleavage and one of the dancers, a blonde girl in a black shirt, sat by herself against the wall, crying.
And then L```` drank half my flask
and then G``` left with N`` & S******
and then later in the night there was a game of Strip Twister (2 mats, 10 players)
and then some guy hit Right Hand Red and lost his pants, showing the baby blue women’s lingerie bottoms he had on underneath
and then the game ended with me outside & all 10 players naked
and then C``` showed up after he got off from Bergin's
and then some chick, who had been the first one naked in Strip Twister, decided to ride the rest of the night bare-breasted
and then later in the night I called her "shithead", M``` thought this was really funny
and then later in the night her fiancé, who hadn’t played Strip Twister, gave her a mouthful of pissed off
and then she started crying
and then later in the night she cried a lot more
and then G*** (who I fall for a little more every time I see her) made out with some funny looking guy standing right next to her ex-boyfriend C````-- She said “I gotta get lovin' wherever I can.”
And then L```` decided my booze hadn’t been enough so he ate some shrooms he got from C```,
C``` said they were Death Caps
but L```` doesn’t believe in those so he ate them anyway
and then later in the night some chick walked into the bathroom to find her boyfriend & some girl & the baby blue lingerie guy having a threesome
and then she started crying
and then later in the night she yelled at the baby blue lingerie guy,
but not at her boyfriend
and then C``` went behind the garage and made out with the blonde dancer in the black shirt
and then the bare-breasted chick’s fiancé left for an hour with another dancer: a skinny, tight muscled redhead
and the bare-breasted chick walked around looking for him the whole time.
And then later in the night there were pillars of salt where people used to be.

And then early in the morning M````, C``` and I had breakfast at Bob’s Big Boy.

[insert Randy Newman lyric here]

Originally Printed 1/31/05
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J.J. Oblivian
Los Angeles, CA
Age: 27

I'm in a gang
called California.

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