The following series of words spilled out right after seeing "Reconstruction":

"Reconstruction" what can one say about it? Maybe:
And isn’t that just the way it is? On all fronts? In all ways? In all respects?
It shows how the whole thing is so painfully wonderful and wonderfully painful and all the other clichés… but clichés are true, aren’t they? Otherwise they’d have a hard time becoming clichés.
Because I’ve been a bastard and I’ve been beaten and sometimes I’ve been beaten for being a bastard. But I was always sympathetic to myself!
And I’ve looked for and loved the same girl since I was 9.
From Kellie
To Chrissy
To Indie
To Laurie
To Shannon
To Rosie
To Charli
To the Current One
To the new Secret One (sorry)...
And they’re ALL THE SAME GIRL because they’re the same to me: they're the girl I want because they remind me of that elusive girl I see in surprising flashes when I close my eyes in the shower or when I hold my breath too long. They're the girl that I used to think was the other girl until this new one blindsided me. And I've said I'd give up everything to get one more like the last one was when I met her... and I was stupid, stupid to say it, stupid to think it, stupid to want it. And haven't I felt like they've defined my life and there was nothing left after they've gone? And haven't I had to rebuild it all? And haven't I always rebuilt with the next one? And so they, like parts of my life, have been erased and drawn again and erased and it’s like I got pulled along in the whole thing.
And it doesn’t matter that it seems impossible because it’s totally possible because I’ve drawn them all the same in my head but OF COURSE THEY’RE NOT REAL! They can’t be real!
They are who I want to see them as until I have to see them differently, see them them for who they actually are.
And that’s why I’ve never been totally happy with them (I take that back, I once had it for almost a week): there’s the world I want/the world I see in my head and then there’s the world I live in.
And isn’t that why I clicked with movies?
Because I wanted to make people believe in the world I wanted,
the world I could picture?
And isn’t that why Christoffer Boe came to movies?
Because he wanted to make people believe in the world he could picture?
But he knows and I know that we’re unhappy people by definition of our desires and that refuses to stay out of the movies we make up.
Plus there’s the abstraction
The plasticity
The great photography
The music that does what the rest can’t
The distance that somehow erases itself when the whole thing’s working right.
And isn't that just like the girls?
And this will ALL make sense
when you see the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
See the movie.
Originally Printed very late @ night on 4/16/05
Fire Off A Comment


J.J. Oblivian
Los Angeles, CA
Age: 27

I'm in a gang
called California.

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